YOU KNOW UR IN CHENNAI

You know you are from chennai when,

1) You speak in a dialect of tamil called madras bashai which only chennaiites can understand

2) If somebody abuses u in the road u abuse him after he disappears from your sight and you tell your friends "otha escape aayitanda avan mattum en kaile matnan sethan"

3) You speak in english but if somebody abuses you tell them"dai ivola thaan limitu ithuku mela pesane otha saavadichuruven"

4) When you hit or abuse guy he will come searchin for you with atleast 10 of his friends to take revenge

5) On finding an auto with a working meter your jaw hits the floor

6) You end up payin 100 re in an auto to travel 4 kms..

7) You go to the gym jus to get six packs like surya and to impress the chicks..

8) Whenever your friends ask you why you do not talk to girls u say"enakku ponnunga nale interest illa machi(i am not intersted in girs)" even though ur desparate for female companionship

9) You made a flippant joke once about rajnikant/kamal hassan/ajith/vijay while travelling in MTC bus and you get beaten by a dozen people or at the very least got dirty looks and stares from all present.

10) You call all north indians sedu pasanga.

11) Everyone is a macha/machi.

12) All chicks are referred "sooper/sumar/sappa/attu figuures"

13) You always tell your friends from elsewhere"innum 5 yearsle chennai it field banglora gaali pannidum(i.e in 5 yeas chennai will take over from bangalore as the it capital)

14) You have seen a swanky mercedes/ferrari/porsche pull up in front of a swankier club and then looked on in disbelief as a dark,fat, middle aged uncle in a whiter than thou lungi wearing a Red/lime green/pink shirt(top 2 buttons open ) walk out yelling on the phone at his wife for not making sambar for lunch.

15) You buy liquor from tasmac n drink it before hittin the club since you can save money

16) You laugh at drivers wearing seatbelts/helmets and call them sissies/chickens

17) You stare with eyeballs hanging out whenever a girl walks by in *gasp* jeans or *double gasp* skirt or *heaven forbid* a mini skirt

18) Proudly said to visiting relatives " We have 5 night clubs,three mcdonals,six kfc's now"

19) You always call saidapet as sai da ppet and not as saidhapettai

20) You hav got drunk in the pine forests in ecr atleast once!

21) You've been to one of the mocha's and tried the vanilla flavoured hokkah atleast once.

22) Even though you have never been to any night club u brag to your friends"macha nothing like pasha da...ill always be there"

23) On needing a pirated electronic device/ film you head straight to richie street.

24) On hearing the word political party only AIADMK or DMK come to your mind.

25) You have used the kathipara junction flyover atleast once and brag about it to everyone indiyalaiye inga mattum than intha madhiri super flyover irukku(i.e only chennai has got such a gr8 flyover)

26) EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW TAMIL YOU TELL YOUR FRIENDS"ENAKKU TAAMIL AVALAVA VARADHU"but if you get into a fight with the same guy ull scream"otha ungamalla eei un munjila en peechangaiye vakka"

27) You have seen your family member/ friend bribe a policeman ATLEAST twice

28) You call the cops " mama"

29) You know the names of karunanidhi's 3 wives and their respective offsprings !

30) You see the police using the american style cruisers gifted to them by hyundai for shuttling the kids of their superiors to and from school

31) You've have had your school/college closed due to floods and summer vacations preponed due to drought.... In the SAME year

32) You become angry when the corporation tries to put up a median in the street to encourage people to stick to one side of the street

33) When u speak in tamil with a chick she gives u a disgusting look

34) All women from ages 8 to 80 wearing anything sarees to mini skirts have flowers in their hair.

35) Everyone from your maid to your neighbour's 13 year old neice has atleast 5 kancheepuram silk sarees and 13 gold ornaments.

36) You go to satyam and blur atleast twice a month.

37) You get a call from parents by 9.p.m askin you to come home immediately since its late

38) You've been pulled over for not wearing a helmet half a dozen times... By a motorcycle riding cop who himself isn't wearing one.

39) The roads in your locality turn into mini swimming pools during the monsoon.

40) The pizza guy reaches your house faster than the ambulance.

41) Whenever a party leader gets hospitalized you read about party members who committed suicide out of depression

42) You hav an account in orkut but you still don't know what facebook is.

43) You are sure that any of the auto drivers here could fill in the shoes of Micheal Schumacher AND Evel knevel combined.

44) On something unexpected happening you don't go "oh god" or "oh my gosh"... Instead you say "Ai yi yo "

45) On hearing the word "Ghajini" surya come to your mind. Screw aamir khan.

46) When somebody asks you what seasons does chennai have you answer "Hot,Hotter,Hottest". With a straight face.

47) You wake up at 5 in the morning for your jog.... And find that half the city is up

48) You can find guys with skull caps and adidas sweat suits when its 45 degrees...

49) You’re almost run over by an auto, who then stops and asks if you want a ride

50) You end up having dialogues with mosquitos.

51) Internationally acclaimed artists perform everywhere else except where you are.

52) You need Set Top Box to watch pay channels.

53) It takes you 20 minutes to cover 3/4th the distance to a place, and then 40 more to cover the last 1/4th cuz you’re stuck in traffic

54) The temperature is around 30 degrees C in “Winter”

55) People on cell phones yell so loud that it makes you wonder whether they need a phone or not!

56) You see posters of films and political parties everywhere

57) There are pictures of prominent politicians in sunglasses everywhere.

58) You go to Murugan Idli shop although you know your mom can make better idlis at home.

59) You have mentally adopted Dhoni as your city's brand ambassador though he just happens to play for CSK once a year.

60) You think the traffic in Panagal Park is no biggie yet complain about it in every conversation you have about the number of vehicles on the road.

61) You are oblivion to the existence of the stop line.

62) Every signal has a countdown clock but 80% of them don't work.

63) You welcome the smell of soot mixed with early morning fragrance of breakfast sambar from Central station's Saravana Bhavan with open arms and a mad flutter of the heart.

64). You have shopped at Saravana Stores at least once yet make a face when the shop is mentioned.

65). You think Elliots is the perfect outing on a Sunday evening, find it jam packed, complain about it yet return the next weekend.

66). "Umbrella" is played at every club, everyday, every time you go there.

67) If somebody asks u who is ur fav pop star u tell the"michael jackson n britney spears and one more thing backstreet boys are the best"

68). When you speak in Madras-bashai, every other tamil language speaker who is not from Chennai gives you an utter look of disgust and accuse you of "KILLING" Tamil.

69) While having the above conversation, you interupt and request, "please, let's not stand in the veyil, we'll stand under the puliya maram and pesi-fy. Romba hot-a iruku inga, that's why.."

70). You end up goin to citi centre and spencers to beat the heat but u find out the a/c doesn work...

71) No matter how many countries or cities you've been to, you always return to T.Nagar and/or Kasi Chetty Street to do your shopping.

72) "Thanni Lorry-leyo illa Kuppa Vandi-leyo dhan nee adi patti sagapora" is how usually people curse you or vice versa. You don't find this unreasonable at all. It's after all the worst thing that could happen to any Chennai-vaasi.

73) You will find a bungalow and a hut in the same street

74) You have heard the traffic police tell you"inga kattuna 100 ruba court le kattuna 1000 ruba"

75) You desparately wanna go for salsa classes so that u can hook up with some chicks..

76) When u hook up with a chick u go and tell all your friends"correct panniten machi"

77) If you are a guy u hav pissed atleast 100 times on walls in the roads..

78) If you get drunk and come home your mom tells"aiyo ithukka than naan unna ivalo kastapattu padika vachena"

79) Your parents worry what other people will think if you're not going to be a doctor/engineer.

80) You get a 95% on a test and your parents ask 'What happened to the other 5%?!

81) When you get your first part-time job, your parents expect you to give them half

82) You only stop putting more rice on your guest's dinner plate 7 times after they tell you to stop

83) Even if you watch a movie in thyagaraja theatre you tell your friends" i watched it in satyam machi"

84) The most frequently used part of your car is the horn

86) Every three months you look at your street and say "Why're they digging the road again???"...